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Wednesday, 24 December 2014

The end of a year and 2015 sees the start of something truely evil for...

my loyal Absurd Army members.

The year of 2014 was one of insignificance in number.  It was a year of utter importance in line of the five promised books, it was the year of the release of the much anticipated Can Tea Really Make You Invisible?  And a much quieter year online  from yours truly.

My absence was caused by a few factors:

1)  I was writing.
2)  I was practicing magic and dimensional/time jumping.
3)  I was in your bedroom touching your closed eyes as you slept.
4)  I was working with a creative friend of mine on some future merch.
5)  I was and have been working on the resurrection of Simply Gary... but that's just a little side thing.  Forget about it.  Don't ask me about it.  I will not answer.  SHH, God damn it!

2015 is a year of freshnesss and restoration.  I will continue to work on Absurdly Disturbing Tales and my late husband... stop going on about it!  Geesh!  Get off my fucking case!  There are a few surprises in the pipeline, one of which, as long as I can source the materials, promises to be an opportunity for you to own something truly special... and potentially life-changing... in a very evil way.  More to follow on that little venture when I have made my first prototype.

Have an absurd Christmas, worship yourself, fuck the world, and drink in that life that you have.  Easier said than done for some, I appreciate that, but try not to let the shit drag you down.  There are miracles out there, there are friends to be made, there is music to listen to.


Tuesday, 2 December 2014

Bubblegum Body Snatchers

In my humble opinion Invasion of the Body Snatchers 1978 is one of the best horror/sci-fi films ever.  You got that?  Ever!  Yeah, I know there are loads of other movies out there, but I am not talking about them.
For the upcoming masterpiece Absurdly Disturbing Tales I wanted to include an homage to that tale, and I have done it.  A brilliant little story called  Bubblegum Body Snatchers, a happy young man is about to be replaced by a doppelganger, thanks to bubblegum from space!  Lots of bones breaking, veins and agony in this one... plus it is the first one I have worked on in this series of stories that features some of my more 'classic' surreal humor, as opposed to the bleak, shocking and disturbing horror.

Simply Christmas

He is here in my living room.  Magnificent.  His lips are dry and his hair is not so.
We will be ready to talk at Christmas.
He weeps from his eyes and the scars.
He is Simply wonderful.
Simply Gary

Sunday, 9 November 2014

Kobalt the Klown removed from Fakebook!

My friend Kobalt and I go waaaaaay back.  Further back than memory.  Further back than time.  We have been in many dimensions, including a very painful stint in a place where we were four dimensional.

Mysteriously, after posting a video featuring human shapeshifters (likely to be the Reptilian Elites that rule this unenlightened and ignorant planet) Kobalt was deleted from Fakebook.  Go take a look.  He is gone.  I looked into my message history with this delightful Klown and there is a note that explains that I am unable to reply to Kobalt anymore.

Now, I feel worried that the same fate will fall for me.  Time will tell.

Fakebook doesn't like Klowns, but it is ok to share images of dead kids.

Kobalt will continue to do his thing on


Monday, 20 October 2014

Another story complete for Absurdly Disturbing Tales... a little erotic number called..

.. The Black Tabard was completed this week.  

My first and certainly not my last erotic story.  The tale is of a man who works as a cleaner, who falls for another cleaner who wears a black tabard.  I am not going to give much else away.

Meanwhile, I have been working with one of many men I would love to wreck, Karl Kiddie, on a film of his.  He has even cast me in the film too.  The film is called The Visitor and is set to be made available via YouTube on Halloween night.

'Simply' Gary stirs.  I have finished stirring him.

Saturday, 11 October 2014

Someone wants to translate one of my books into Chinese

I have been approached by a man who would like to work with me and translate one of my books into Chinese.
I like Chinese humans.  I like most humans really.

I will be talking more with these people about the translation of my book.  If it all works well I will perhaps look into more translation work.  Let's wait and see and see and wait and see the weight of the price that needs to be paid.

If the weight of pay is light and not to far out to sea and the wait for this weight is not too far then I will take it further and farther.

Thursday, 2 October 2014


The first tale is done.  It's dark and strange; heavily influenced by Tales From the Crypt.  

I have been unwell.  This is something that doesn't usually happen.

Soon I will cast out an invite to the world to be part of the new book.  I like getting others involved.  It makes me feel like Santa. 

Thursday, 25 September 2014

Progress and planning of the new book is going

faster that I had anticipated.

My heart (I think I have a heart - I have an organ that allows blood to flow around my body at least) had been set on the book of conspiracies and monsters and anomalies on Earth, but the time was not right.

With the recent retrieval of my dead husband. 'Simply' Gary, it felt more natural to go down a more horror filled path, and work on the book of horror stories that my nan used to read to me.

I have been having a break for the past month, focussing on reading instead of creating.  It has been blissful, and inspiring, and has left me bursting at the seams with creative juices and energy.

Restoration of the book is going well, the aim was to have the book finished in 2016, but it could be ready for a draft print before the end of next year, the year of 2015.  Official release will then be around the start of 2016.

With the pre-release of Can Tea Really Make You Invisible? I gave a free badge away and signed each book with a personal message.  With Absurdly Disturbing Tales I am hoping to have something a bit more special in line for the first ten people who pre-order.  We'll have to wait and see.

Restoration of 'Simply' Gary is going well.  He is still unable to talk, but I can still hear him.  I can't seem to avoid that insistent voice.  He seems sad.  Blames me for his death.  It was a bear though.  Another two weeks and I believe that 'Simply' Gary will be ready for rehabilitation

and if you are reading this then you must be a fan... So I have some information that is just for you... the free copies of my books will not contain ALL of the story.  To find out the full story, then you will need to buy the book.  This isn't so that I make money, it is to ensure that my grand scheme is complete and successful.  SHHHHHH

Monday, 22 September 2014

Never and forever

Never is infinite.  It will 'never' happen.
Forever is infinite.  It will happen 'forever'.

With this in mind, something that is going on never is going on forever.

Loops are forever and I am trying really hard to break one, but so far it seems that I can never stop it.
The fourth book will perhaps help this by never ever letting it begin.

Last night I am sure that 'Simply' Gary spoke.  It was in my head, obviously.  He is dead.  His lips are gone.  Still, you never know. Or did I always know.

Friday, 19 September 2014

Nothing really

Today I will be mostly 

I am not doing anything.  'Simply' is almost done, but I am not sure how he is going to respond when he wakes.

Wednesday, 17 September 2014

The start of the Absurdly Disturbing Tales is

written.  It already feels so right.  It was supposed to happen this way.  The voice of 'Simply' Gary has never been louder.  I will begin to put him together soon.

I am keeping myself isolated more than ever these days.  Nobody cares about what I do anymore anyway and this suits me fine.  I will not let it get in the way of my work or my final goal.  By the time the fifth book is released in 2020 I will be done, thy will be done.

Been muggy in Belfast over the past couple of days.  At this moment in time I am developing moisture on my face.

Monday, 15 September 2014

The cover to my third book "Absurdly Disturbing Tales" and the dark magic within.

And so, with around two years to go, this is a draft version of the cover to my next release.  As I look through the pages of stories that my nan used to read to me I feel afraid.  There is a dark energy in those pages.  Dark supernatural energy.  I can feel it in my veins.  Most of the words are illegible, hidden amongst rips and stains, or ghosted by weathered and worn fading.  I will continue to decipher these tales, and do my best to learn the magic that is concealed within.  This magic will be transcribed into the eventual finished release.

'Simply' Gary is reconstructed.

Time for tea.

Saturday, 13 September 2014

How the hell do you use Google +

I have travelled through time, dimensions, and even beyond - into realms that the human mind couldn't contemplate, even if the human in question's mind was as big as a fucking universe.  And yet, Google + is beyond me.

Legend has told me that it is better than Fakebook, a more 'mature' and welcoming social network... time will tell.  This is my first foray into what I consider 'the unknown' and it frightens me.

It doesn't really.

Skin is a bit dry today.

Loneliness and the fourth book

After finishing Can Tea Really Make You Invisible? I felt somewhat drained, not bursting with the energy that I expected, or the energy that I really needed.  I planned to immediately knuckle down and focus on the third book in my series of five promised books, but didn't get the vibe.  There was a craving, oh, a strong craving, but it wasn't right.

With this feeling of disjointedness I set about a bout of rage.  I went to a shop, not far from my home, and immediately slapped a member of staff, right across their inadequate face.  The shop?  Tesco.  The face?  A child.  The parents?  Elsewhere.
"Some freaky looking woman is slapping a child over here!" shouted a bad fellow, on the other side of fifty.
I ran from the shop and returned to my home.

Sitting in the living room of my home, I became overwhelmed with loneliness.  I missed the feeling of someone actually liking me, perhaps even loving me.  This had been niggling away at the back of my head from the moment the police arrested me for the murder of my husband. 'Simply' Gary.  A murder that I didn't do.  A murder committed by a big brown bear.

My next book couldn't be the third book as it wouldn't contain the elements needed for my survival, and the prevention of my impending end in 2020.

To break the cycle and provide me with what I need, I began work on restoring the book of ghost stories that was read to me by my nan when I was a child.  Hidden among the words of that book are a dark magic.  A dark magic that will help restore the love I once had.

I sit here now, the rain is falling.  I am looking at my mask on my table, it's grinning at me.  It is mocking my feelings.  Outside, in a bin are the remains of 'Simply' Gary.